Lieffiie’s Graduation

I was a bit worried when we arrived at the landing point for Lieffiie’s Modelling Graduation Show, we were in a graveyard.

“Logan, you retard!” I exclaimed, “This can’t be the right place!”

But Logan insisted that it was a Gothic themed show and this is the sort of thing they’re into.

I made her turn the lighting up a bit and I spotted Ravens in a tree eating something.

“What have you got there?” I asked them.
“Eyeballs!” they said.
“Those are olives!” said Logan
“They’re ours now” said the Ravens.
(Yes, this is a Terry Pratchett joke, and no I can’t remember which book it’s from.)

Logan and I sighed and went inside.

The judges were on the stage getting ready.

On the other side of the stage there were two more judges guarding the virginal human sacrifice for the after-show party.

Scary Judge wasn’t presiding over this show, but I think this woman is her sister.

Stony-faced judge was ready on his perch. He looks difficult to impress.

“Why do you think they are all sitting down?” asked Logan

Have you seen their shoes?

Roe wasn’t judging this show either, but she was in the audience. I’m not sure you should wear white clothes Roe, they might try to eat you afterwards too and what’s that scary looking tentacle coming your way?

Oh, not to worry. False alarm. It’s just Kaly’s horns.

The presenters then announced that the models were going to demonstrate all the different Gothic styles, like American Gothic and European Gothic…

…and You May Now Applaud Gothic…

…Scary Lieffiie Gothic…

…Peephole Gothic…

…Red and Black Gothic…

…Builders’ Cleavage Gothic…

Everything was going along beautifully and then suddenly there was this ghastly sound,


everyone stops and turns round to see what it could be and it’s Logan sneezing!

She then wipes her nose on the back of her sleeve.

Embarrassed? Me? At that moment I could quite happily have crawled back into the sock drawer on my own.

But, no one seemed to care and the show went on…

…Punken Gothic…

…I can’t remember what sort of Gothic…



“Alas poor Gothic … oh hell, I’ve lost the bloody skull”

… And finally …

The Finale.

But wait, what’s that big gap at the front?

Where’s Lieffiie?

She’s demonstrating Classic Crashtard Gothic and can’t get back for the Finale )-:

Shortly after this the show finishes and the organisers and graduates come down from the stage to mingle with the audience.

And Virginal Human Sacrifice Gothic tiptoes quietly out the back door.

EOE Androgynous Style

Scary Judge must have been on a bender last night, she’d fallen asleep in her chair before the show started.

None of the other judges had arrived and Roe was looking terrified because she would have to wake her up.

With a cigarette on her lip and ninja eyelashes, Boss Judge didn’t look like she would be scared of anyone.

Assistant with a neat quiff.

The models had to do an androgynous style this week.
I’m not going to do my customary commentary this time, suffice to say that there were a lot of men’s shoes and big boots and spiky hair and ties… and some of the outfits were pretty wacky.

I’m just gonna show the photos (-:









This is my friend Lieffiie Ruby looking well-hard.




EOE The Where Did You Get That Hat? Show

When I got to the EoE Show Roe was already there, wearing a Vertigo Swirl hat and looking a little nonplussed. She was wondering where to sit because some ignorant peasants had sat in her reserved judges seat.

Scary Judge was also there, but she had place in the judges seats because even ignorant peasants would run away when they saw her coming to eat their beads. If they stayed in her seat, she would probably eat them too.

We also saw girl with some strange knotted growth in her hair, wearing a blanket.

Wonder Woman was in the audience, but she left quickly at the end because everyone was going to pester her for autographs.

Anyway, on to the show and check out the HATS!

First up was the Useless Umbrella hat.
Stylish. Unique.
Useless in the rain.

Hot on the heels of that was Horse Pill hat.
We’re not sure which part of the horse’s body this would be used on, but we think it would involve a struggle and probably some squashed toes.

This is the Yellow Flower Pot hat.
It will remain useful even when it’s no longer fashionable as a hat.
Notice the model’s organically grown Ninja Eyelashes.

This one is the Black Fan hat.
You could also use it for cleaning cobwebs off the ceiling.

This is my friend Lieffiie Ruby modelling the Invisible Mystery hat.
I’m worried that the judges might not understand it and it might cost her points in the contest.

After that came the Gothic Birds’ Nest hat.
Looks like they hadn’t quite finished making it.

Clown Hat.
You must be having a larf.

One of the organisards was also sporting a hat. This is the Gothic Garden hat.

There was also a second contest being judged at the same time: The Ninja Eyelash Class.
Not all the models had entered but you can see the winner and the runner up below.

Runner Up

Double-ended Ninja Eyelashes.
A clear winner.


I was delighted to accept when Lieffiie invited me to take Logan to see the Harajuku show in the Miss Essence of Ebony Contest.

I had no idea what it meant, but I thought we would find out when we got there and I’d be able to wing it from there on in.

No such luck.
This was much harder than I thought to work out.

First I thought it meant “Get all your stuff out of the closet, throw it on the bed and get dressed while wearing a blindfold.”

Then I decided it must mean “Girl with the Chimey Sweep Brush”

Or perhaps “You must wear something bright pink”

Maybe it just means “Scary Girl”

I was pretty sure that I was right with “Scary Girl” for a while.

But then I realised that it might mean:
“Where did you get that hat,
where did you get that hat?”

“I should like to have one,
just the same as that”

I watched the show a bit more and wondered if it might be the Japanese word for “Stormtrooper Platform Boots”

Or I’ve got “Mad Pink Hair!”

Finally, I worked it out.
It means, “It’s my birthday soon, I hope someone can buy me some new laces”!

Leiffiie Ruby.

Logan and I had been whispering and we attracted the attention of the scary judge. She said, “Stop talking in the back row, or else I’ll come and eat all your beads. Because I’ve nearly finished eating all of mine.”

Not all of the judges were scary. This is my old friend Roe Woodford who has been promotard and is now a Harajuku judge too.

And this judge is the owner.
I don’t think she can see if the Harajukus or the judges are scary.
I don’t think she can see anything at all.

Lieffiie Supermodel

This is Lieffiie Ruby in a recent modelling competition.

As I said before, it’s not always easy being a model, much less as glamorous as you might imagine. In this competition they had to make their own outfits using nothing more than an old witches broom and some coloured baler twine.

Lieffiie *Miss Fifi* Ruby

It’s not easy being a model. People think it’s just a job for Bimbos and Dimbos, but you have to think about a lot more stuff than just your hair and make up.

You need to know how to walk right and where to walk and how to do all the poses and you need to be able to do the model girls’ hard stare.

Most important of all, you need to be able to do the teapot stand without falling off your heels into the molten lava flow that is rushing past a mere few feet away.