Look who Dad dug up, it’s Grandad. He’s looking a bit pale and skinny, he probably should have been left in the ground, but it’s too late now I guess. Dad says it’s not his Dad, but I mean, no one even knows who who me Mum is*, so how would he find her Dad? Besides, if you took that bucket off Grandad’s head, I bet they’ve got the same haircut.

Anyway, don’t be fooled by Grandad looking a bit pale, skinny and stiff, he’s actually very alert and still pretty able. Just look what happened when this poor woman walked past, the old pervert grabbed her and molested her.

And look at this one too, Dad was trying to look the other way whilst Grandad was copping a feel, but doesn’t he look like Alf Garnet?

Rule Brittania mate! Aaaahhhhhhaaaaaahhaaaaahhhhhaaaahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa !!

If you’re wondering why he looks a bit brown, apparently around this time there was some accident where he put his skin and his trousers into a dog, but I didn’t really understand all that, sounded like a lot of old cojones to me.

*I asked Dad about her but he won’t say much except that she was a bit of an old dragon. I wonder what happened to the rest of her.